Sometimes loving God and happiness is the hardest thing around. Having a relationship with God is like other relationships in that I sometimes want to scream at God, "Why me?" So, I can understand where you're coming from. Sometimes, our lifes' struggles seems to cloud God out for a time. I think some of the Psalms or Job can help you to remember that even "saints" have dry spells like the rest of us. I remember a time that I was afraid from a nightmare and cried out to God, "Where are You?" He didn't seem to be present or to even hear me. I suddenly remembered that Jesus is with us always. I still find at times that I have to trust that He is with me because I sure can't feel anything at all. I find that depression and feeling overwhelmed in life can interfere with my ability to feel close to God. But, I try to remember the times that He was there for me and hope for the future. At times, I just a need a little T induced sense of hope. Obviously this isn't always going to work because it is HARD to do for anyone no matter how faithful they are.