Glad that you are not interested in dying! I know how that feels, I'm glad my attempts failed, I am here for a reason. My last psychiatrist meeting was the same way, he thinks I'm doing better than I am, he even said he is proud of me. If you are not going to see her again I assume you are not taking any medication? Or are you thinking of seeing a new psychiatrist after this? Maybe you should try talk therapy, its a less invasive form of treatment. My last therapy session I spilled the beans because I trust my therapist more than I trust the psychiatrist. My next meeting with the psychiatrist is scheduled for December, but I can call him at any time and schedule an appointment in case things get too out of control. I've been considering this because my T suggested after I spilled the beans on what's really been going on, I should "accept that I have a medical condition that needs medication" which made me feel kind of bad. She wasn't telling me anything I didn't know, but my attitude at this point is still "wait and see" I'm hoping it will just go away with time and patience.

If you do go see another psychiatrist, write down a list of symptoms you've been having, write them a letter and hand it to them. I have "atypical" depression, which means I can enjoy myself when the opportunity arises. Which helps me still be able to be somewhat functional when I'm depressed, but it usually seems to last forever.