Started seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist on my college campus. The psychiatrist insisted I was underweight even though I told her I'd always been thin and had a fast metabolism. But she made me do blood work. Got the blood work back, and she said my liver function is abnormal (it wasn't three years ago when I had bloodwork done, everything was perfect, so I honestly wasn't expecting this) and that it indicates starvation (which, frankly, shocked me, because I honestly do eat enough) and she wants me to come in tomorrow for another appointment with her, and I assume she'll want to tell my mom. I'm just fed up, I know they're trying to help me, but I don't want them to. And I'm not even scared about my liver, I feel like I don't even believe it or something, because I don't feel physically unwell.

I just want them to leave me alone, and stop telling me what I should do, etc. I like my therapist but not my psychiatrist, it's just annoying. She wants me to increase my paxil too, which I know I need because I'm severely depressed, from 12.5 mg to 20 mg... and a part of me just wants to tell her no. To not do it. To just get off the antidepressant completely. For her to stop telling me what to do.

Part of me - maybe a large part - has been depressed for seven years and doesn't want to get better. Part of me wants to stop eating just to defy my psychiatrist.

I don't know why, but I seem not to want to get better.