((((((((((((((((((((ITTRP)))))))))))))))))

I'm sorry you feel this way. It's apparent that you are very afraid of your Mother. Is there any way you can talk to her about this?
IF not, you need to find someone to talk to about it as if you don't, it will continue to get worse.
The ideal situation would be to talk to a T about it. They could give you suggestions on how to tackle it slowly.
I wish you all the best.
Please keep us informed as to how you are doing.
I care,
Linda