I one time showed up at the office for my appointment and was told by the receptionist that T was out sick. I darn neared cried in front of the receptionist. I had to get out quickly in order to keep from crying in front of the desk. It's not what I want the receptionist to remember me for. I once found myself feeling abandoned because my T left the office and promised to give me someone else to talk to. It didn't happen for a few weeks. I knew that she had not abandoned me but I couldn't get the stupid thought out of my head. I argued with it constantly until I called her voice mail and heard her sick voice. It sounded so pitiful. As if that wasn't mean enough of me, I was extremely happy that she was sick! I knew that the reason was that I had relief from my sense of abandonment. I don't know why hearing her voice relieved my stupid thinking. I think for me if I depend on someone else, I fear that they will abandon me. I told my new T in the last few sessions that I fantasize about her walking out of my life. She tells me that she has no plans to move and too many clients to change offices like my old T did. I suspect that it is a transferance thing and a dependence thing.
In other words, our Ts are important to us because we NEED them at times. They fulfill psychological needs that we either lost the abillity to fulfill for a temporary basis or that we never have been able to fulfill. I have recently relized that psychological needs are needs like food and water. So, obviously we know where you are coming from. I hope you get to see T at your next appointment. I sometimes tell T that I missed her. I do to.