well I have a lot I want to say .. just wish I had some one to talk to .. so this may be a long babble....
it's been 56 weeks 2 days and 4 hours and a couple minutes since the love of my life passed away..... I been on her legacy site .. "it comes down on the 16th this month .. I wrote ... but I need to down load it .... I miss her so much ....

Well the summer rains have brought -a - almost second spring .. the hills are full of flowers , yellow , orange , some red ... very pretty , very uncommon for here..
getting cold now . winters acomin..

ok for weeks months a year ? I have had my termination date set.. well it is next Tuesday at around midnight so Wednesday early am . witch happens to be my birthday I was reborn to purgatory "I wont say how many years ago" so I have had every intent on that being my day to get reborn into purgatory again... dumb aye ?

I have always kept my word , it is honor it is integrity its is how I have always lived.
So do I break that ? to myself ? In ways I feel I cant .. but my girls ,,,, my son ,, whom I have never met yet just talked to a few times .

so what do I do ? I am so sick of grief .I am so sick of being depressed . I am so sick of living like this ..!!!! the pain ,, my body is shot ,, my brain is shot LOL ..

well we see .. I want to but what it would do to my girls .. they don't know how I feel so lost so lonely so scared so hurt .. my lovers dog is getting to where he can hardly walk some times ,,, he stares down the road waiting for her , them to come home .... and so do I..

ok BARK : so many happy happy memories of life n the kids
oh and the glory of a second blooming of flowers befor winter
so wonderful