I find that I think about T alot. I once caught myself thinking to myself that I love God but T is sweeter to me. I couldn't believe that I had thought that. I sometimes worry that I might forget God in my strange attachment to T. At one point, I thought God had told me it is okey because ours is a temporary relationship which He knows won't destroy my love for Him. But, how can I seem to think about a person more than God himself?
I don't feel guilty about it. But, I have cried two or three different times in the last few months about my strange attachment to T and my concern about my thinking about T more than about God. I want to keep God as the center of my life, but T fulfills a psychological need that an invisible God can't fulfill such as encouragement, acceptance, a chance to dump my feelings on her, positive thinking etc. I'm not saying that God doesn't help in these areas, but, I still need a human T to help me.
I know that God can work through people and I believe that He brought me to this point to reinforce my empathetic ability in prep for becoming an addiction counselor. Who better to counsel than another client. But, I fear that I will never believe myself to be mentally healthy enough to counsel others. My T hasn't said a word about this subject even though practicum will be in the fall of 2007.