That all sounds about right, I pretty much could have written all of that, I've done everything but inpatient. And, I hate myself so much some days I can't stand it. Yet, I have another side of myself that is immensely proud of all I have accomplished in spite of everything I've gone through. That is the side I am working to cultivate, I want the other side to go crawl off somewhere, curl up, and die.

One thing I did that was tough but worked was to really push the envelope of comfort. I forced myself last year to do a thousand and one things, big and small, that were uncomfortable, frightening, and hard. And, each one which I was able to conquer helped me to move on the the next with greater confidence. And, as strange as this may sound, I got the idea from an episode of Seinfeld, where George Costanza turns his life around by just doing the opposite of his first impulse in every situation. I tried it, it really worked for me.