What I find extremely frustrating is Altered expression that WE have to make the decision. That WE as the stable one have to again do the right thing. What THEY as the patient have a hard time comprehending is how hard these two aspects are for US.

To be honest, my initial thoughts when I read Altereds comments were "oh hell no with the whole vulnerable issue again". I am sick to death of being told that my depressed husband is vulnerable. That he is suffering. yadda yadda yadda. Im at the point, as I am sure you are too spouse, of saying "I DONT GIVE A DAMN"! So what....its time for it to be JUST ABOUT ME. (sound harsh?)They have the luxury of forgetting the pain...of withdrawing. We have to continue to suck it up and live through it. Then if we do decide to leave we are accused of bailing and being insensitive.

My response to Altered comments of them knowing what they put us through is "BullS**T". You (collectively) have very little comprehension. If you did, you would work even harder to stop the pain. To stop blaming us. To find reality.
There is a fine line between illness and personality. I firmly believe that the latter accounts for a great deal of the problem in depressed relationships.

I know your thinking "what a bitter wench". You got that right. Living with a mentally ill person is a very tough life to lead....mostly because we never get a break. It's up to us to keep the boat afloat, to make things right, to suck it up and to keep moving forward. We do have to make all the decisions along the way. We do have to be the strong ones becuase we are "stable". And it is exhausting. Especially if after all is said and done the depressed individual doesn't appreciate it and condemns us for being controlling. We just can't win.

As for leaving...you hit the nail on the head Spouse. It isn't easy. While we know it will bring us relief from the stress, it doesn't necessarily bring us happiness. It opens up the door for a plethora of other problems. So it isn't a quick fix to the problem and it certainly isn't an easy decision.