I didn't self-harm, which is no surprise - I'm one seriously stubborn bastard.

I have every reason to be angry and frustrated, just like a family member would be angry and frustrated, if only in part, as a result of a close relative, kicking their own proverbial bucket. Someone that I loved very much, self-harmed a lot, and kept trying to kick their own bucket; it was a nightmare, and a painful one at that. Anyway, that the anger and frustration thing is pretty much a new thread of its own, and I don't expect anyone to understand why I feel like that, just like I don't expect the old self-harming me, to understand it. I'm just betting that at least some of those who've "quit", or who have lost family members to suicide, could understand, though.

Imagine if you thought there was a frog right next to you, and you swore to absolute death, that there was a frog there, no matter how many times someone told you differently. Now image you finally, after years, realise there is indeed no frog there. Imagine you meet someone who's as adamant as you were, that there is a frog next to them, and imagine trying to explain why there is no frog; you know there is no frog, because you've been there and done this all before, but getting the other person to see that, seems impossible, because they won't listen; they're too concerned with the frog that, by the way, is not there. I can't imagine my analogy made any sense, but I gave it a go.

While I might look like some evil, heartless bastard, to a self-harmer, I assure you that I am not, and in-fact am a very caring person, which is partly why I have so many conflicting feelings and thoughts. I sometimes really want to help, but I know that, ultimately, just like I was with my ex: there's f**k-all I can do - it's up to them to figure it out, and all we can do is nudge them in the right direction. Every time I try to talk "sense" to someone who self-harms, I'm reminded of how helpless, anxious, frustrated, depressed, and lost I felt with the aforementioned ex.

There's another side to my being "angry", ... the anger itself is likely mostly directed to myself: starting with frustration, I then end up moving on to anger, towards myself as a result of not being able to help.

I guess it didn't need a new thread, after all. I hope I've helped you understand. I have no guilt for feeling like this; it's a natural reaction to things I went through, and over time, I hope I can learn to deal with it. Ironically, it helps to have experienced self-harm, first-hand - excuse the pun - as it gives me a neutral and understanding angle, I suppose.

Says it all, really.