I've been watching a lot of videos and talks about bipolar disorders. However, I feel like none of them really reflect how I feel with my disorder (Cyclothymia). I don't know if this is because I'm a writer and better with language or if my symptoms are just different than theirs. I've been thinking about making a video about how I feel. I wonder if anyone feels the same way I do. Would you all mind sharing your thoughts?

How I feel:

I often hear people say that being bipolar is like having two personalities. I disagree entirely. I have up days and down days and normal days. I wouldn't even say that all of my ups or downs feel the same.

My moods shift faster than most other people I know who are on the bipolar spectrum. I'm not sure if this is a sign of rapid cycling or mixed episodes or what. I do notice that I am more reactive if I'm in an up or down place.

Mania: I only experience manic episodes on Welbutrin. It was hypomania to the extreme with intense recklessness and physical restlessness. The biggest difference that I notice was that I can tell if I'm hypomanic sometimes, but I could never tell that I was manic until afterwards.

Hypomania: I'm way better than everyone else and everyone is inferior and no one can keep up with me. I get mad because everyone else "sucks" so bad or is "dumb". I get angry easily and someone saying something the whole way will warrant me to snap at them. Or, I'm incredibly happy, I'm very confident, I talk fast, won't quit talking even though I tell myself to stop, I get a lot done, I do impulsive things, I am promiscuous, I have poor judgment, I make unrealistic plans (sometimes), I abuse alcohol, I can't sleep, and I can't keep still. My hypomania bothers me more than my depression because I do a lot of dumb, dumb things.

Normal Depression: I've never been suicidal. I get things done. It's just harder. I am tearful and cry once or twice a day. Occasionally, I'll have a bad episode where I can't get out of bed for a day. This is nullified if I have to be somewhere. Sometimes when I'm depressed, I eat carb-loaded food and have low self-esteem.

Numb Depression: I don't care about anything. I feel nothing. I don't want anyone around me or in my life. I isolate. Nothing stimulates me or makes me happy. This is typically something that happens following abandonment or something incredibly disappointing.

What do you guys think? Anything sound like you?