It really is a very huge shift for you, one definitely to be proud of. I didn't have a lightbulb moment concerning my brother's death. I didn't even have a choice in not letting him go, his brutal passing was in the news papers, I was interviewed, etc, there was just no opportunity in denying he was taken from me. I was basically forced to let go due to circumstances.

I do however remember realizing that not crying doesn't mean I miss him any less, and that I don't have to feel guilty if his name doesn't evoke instant tears.

It is a profound and healthy realization to come to, knowing that letting go never means forgetting.

I'm really proud that you are moving forward in this grieving process, too many of us become stuck in one phase. Sadly I think my eldest sister is 1 of the stuck ones, but its her process, she needs to figure out how to navigate it, and its not for me to instruct her how to grieve...

I'm rambling sorry you just got me thinking.