Hi there Gayle, thanks so much for your response. I agree that I could forgive without having her in my life. I actually at one point said "I forgive you but that doesn't mean I want to associate with you". I have realized though, that for myself, even though I "really" do not want to forgive her, it is killing me with the guilt of my parents and also, the fact that she has been trying to reach me. I majored in Psychology and really do believe that people CAN be rehabilitated if they have the desire to change and the willingness to admit and deeply understand their mistakes. I am going to say that I am VERY, VERY CAUTIOUS though, and have told my parents that I will contact her via email in the next 30 days (then we'll see how things go from there).. so I'll be contacting her sometime in the first week of November. I know she'll be on her best behavior, so I'm not expecting much for the next.... 5 months with her. BUT.. I should try to keep an open mind, afterall, I am trying to "start over".

My bf obviously was NOT happy at my decision to want to speak with her because she has really been so horrible to him, trying to break us up etc. It even came to a point where he said to choose her or him so i ended up choosing him. But I did explain to him how this is something I NEED to do, and that HE is #1 and NOTHING will ever come between us (I allowed her to come in between us in the past cause I thought she had good intentions and at that time, my bf and I were only dating for about a year or so). But anyway, I told him HE is my PRIMARY family now, and I'm so sorry I let her come between us. He said that he understands this is important to me BUT do NOT expect him to EVER give that witch the time of day (again, he has tried to speak with her on 3 separate occasions in the past and she was a no-show) so he said to hell with her. Oh, and also, she randomly saw him in an elevator at our old building (she lived there as well) and she cussed him out saying that he is ruining my family bc he doesn't allow me to talk to her. He didn't tell me in detail what she said or even the main jist of it because he wanted to protect me from her and not want me to retaliate back. When she cussed him out he didn't say ANYTHING and he didn't even make any facial reactions at all. He just let her say whatever she wanted to say. He knew she just wanted a reaction.. He is SUCH a great a protective and an amazing bf

My parents were both very understandably happy, however, I am of course reluctant to even GIVING her another chance. I have hated her SO much that I ended up feeling apathetic towards her after a while.. The quote I used to have stuck in my head while thinking about her was "Hate destroys the vessel that carry it".. SO true. I couldn't even look at two sisters on a TV without feeling enraged and resentful and nightmares carried over into my life bc of her. I think I need to learn to forgive her, and if she really DOES turn out to be the monster that I think that she is, I will DEFINITELY need to cut her out. I'm giving her another chance because I am no longer an alcoholic/druggie as in my past (when she was trying to "help me") and my life is so wonderful now (probably because I am not talking to her, HAH.. but ok, I do need to be semi-cordial and forgive her cause I think it would be good for MY health).

Thanks so much again for your response!