Thanks Hankster for your response. Thoughts of needing to forgive my sister and feelings of internal hatred for her has caused me severe stress and mental anguish. It has nothing to do with the holidays and I just feel like for myself, I must break free from this mental bondage and power that she has over me. If not forgiving for HER sake, I will forgive for MY sake and also my parent's sake as well. If she is serious about making a HUGE change like my parents have been saying, then fine, I will give it a go, again, at least for MY sake (yes I am being selfish here bc all these years SHE has been selfish and I feel it is only fair for myself that I do what is best for ME, esp when I didn't freakin ask for a b-word of a sister to begin with).

And yah, I could imagine for you in an Italian-American family, the importance of family closeness and cohesiveness. My bf is very much family-oriented as well but had to cut ties with his own sister bc of VERY messed up reasons. It must be really hard for you as I know it has been very difficult for me as well.

I hate seeing it as "they made their choice" as you said, but it is true. I have felt that "all they wanted was a close family unit, and they felt that we were dysfunctional in ways which is no different from any other family (wrong)".. considering both my parent's parents were very cold and non-loving or supportive in any way. So, my parents were VERY open-minded, liberal and let my sister and I basically run amok and get whatever we wanted (bad parenting but coming from a loving place). I felt that because my parents had suffered so much, that a little sibling rivalry wasn't that big of a deal. Well guess what? It's called sibling abuse and though it wasn't as severe as what THEIR parents made them suffer, I TOO suffered a LOT in my own way and it f*n SUCKED and I am STILL feeling the after-effects of that b-word's wrath.

Oh I also have to mention that my sister is a drug-addict (cocaine fiend, very well connected to the pharmeceutical world and doctors as she was a pharm sales rep and is now a dermatology sales rep). So yea I don't know if I could trust the B but I'll find out, won't I.. That's the risk I'm willing to take so that I WILL have peace of mind (one way or another I will have a peace of mind, whether it will be from 1) being cordial with her and having some sort of relationship OR 2) Really seeing that my thoughts on her as being a monster was right, and that I really DO need to cut her off. We'll see what happens.

Thanks again for your help