Hi NicoleFlynn, thanks so much for your book referral. I know I don't "need" to do anything they want me to do, it is just SO hard bc on one hand, my parents admit their mistakes and say that they should have disciplined her more, yet on the other hand, they tell her off and bi.tch her out but she already feels like she is above them (and everyone else). As mentioned in my other responses, I will give her a go (I am no longer drinking/using drugs/I am very stable now), and will see if things are better. I will say that I did try to speak with her whilst I have been sober (been sober for about 3 years), but still saw how dominating and forceful her personality is overall. I didn't like it. BUT, I will try to forgive her and give MYSELF that peace of mind that I DESERVE and will no longer surrender power to that b-word.

You are SO right about my parents "emotionally black-mailing" me. As jacked up as that sounds, that really is what they are doing. My bf is the one that had told me about "boundaries" in the past (with regards to my parents NEEDING to respect them) and we had respectfully asked them to NOT bring my sister up in ANY circumstance, and what do they do? Every once in a while they say "Jane did this.. or did that" ..or "we're going to visit Jane's friends" (SO the hell what!!) .. Just 3 weeks ago my mom said "oh ..Jane (sister) is going to Oregon with your Dad for your Dad's bday, they're going to watch a professional basketball game".. (this was JUST 3 weeks ago.. didn't I tell you, oh I don't know.. a year or 2 ago and in between that I didn't want to hear about her??!). I just said "oh that's great! " .. like wtf do I say to that, I'm tired of getting pissed about it. Then I changed the subject.

I feel HORRIBLY for my bf because my mom actually brought up my sister at 2 different birthdays of his (I ruined his first bday by breaking up with him a week before his bday but that's bc we were early on in our relationship (a couple of months of dating) and I wasn't sure about us.. I was SOOO WRONG!).. Anyway, so my mom bringing up my stupid b-sister caused my mom and I to get into a HUGE fight ..HUUGE fight (my sister was not invited) but ever since then... my bf does not celebrate bdays cause he said it is jinxed. I tried doing a celebration for him for this year (his bday was this past August) but he said he didn't want anything, no celebration, NOTHING. I Gave him a card and he barely accepted that. Going back to my mom.. I can't f*ng believe my mom did that (OF ALL THE DAYS!??!! ON HIS BDAY?!) and now my bf does not celebrate bdays.. SO pissed about that. (btw my mom was saying how we need to forgive her and that she is a changed person blah blah same shi.t she has been saying for the past 3 years).. SO pissed she did that to my bf.

It is so sad for me because my bf hates my sister so much, that he said he doesn't want to get married to me. I told him do NOT allow her to have that much power over OUR relationship. He said that he knows either my parents or I may want her there at our wedding and I said NO I DON'T and that is NOT fair to me. He said that he absolutely feels she is SO toxic, and he doesn't know if he wants to deal with her the rest of his life. I told him that I will NOT make him talk to her ever again, and he said that he is just concerned about "I may have a huge change of heart in the future (she is VERY... VERY manipulative and subtly and overtly persuasive so he is VERY afraid of her influence over me). Again, I reassured him that HE IS MY MAIN FAMILY NOW which was something I hadn't learnt about in the past (I have realized as he told me, that my bf (life partner) is my PRIMARy family now, not my parents anymore.. they are my family BUT my life partner is my PRIMARy family now.I have told him NOTHING will come between us and HE IS NUMBER 1 ). So anyway, I just hope that we could get married one day as we have been dating for almost 4 years and I wouldn't want that B to have so much power over our relationship. I KNOW he loves me SO freakin much but he really hates thinkin about how he would have eternal ties to the B by marrying me. I told him it wouldn't be like that cause I KNOW he wouldn't ever talk to her again (not that I'd want him to anyway cause I don't care if they have a relationship).

Sorry for goin off topic.. I don't have people to talk to about this (obviously) lol

Thanks for reading & responding hun!