Though I dislike admitting it I am a drunk too. For me it started at an early age. I had so many chances to quit which I did on and off a year or two here and then I start again. For me I have used it for social anxiety, and unfortunately depression and also when manic because I think i am invincible. I'm so gutted I started again and am trying to get myself to quit . I've done the vodka for breakfast and because I work from my home alone I guess in my warped perception think it doesn't matter. Also when low i say it doesnt matter, as who cares if i end up dead? Which is probably where i'm heading. My world is so black and white that when I drink there is nothing but that feeling, when I'm sober I can't believe I'll ever drink again. I don't know how to get a handle on my lying, cheating brain and one drink and I feel like it will all be ok but it really isn't. I hope you find the answers you need.