Thank you all for your support, i am glad i can turn to you all for support. its comforting.

i have been researching it deeply since i began this thread. i found this website: http://www.bipolaraware.co.uk/recognition.html and through reading the symptoms, i dont really fit in with them. some are true, some are spot on, but many of them arent what i experience. it says that the depressive mood lasts around 2 weeks on average, but when i get like that it last a day or two, the most it lasts is about 4 or 5 days. i do have mood swings, where i will be happy one minute, and i will be very optimistic, i have faith in myself and my talents, and i appreciate life, then within minutes (sometimes) i can be down, where i think i am worthless, and am a horrid person, ugly etc. then minutes later i will be optimistic again. but by reading several sites it has become clear to me that these episodes dont happen so frequent.

i do experience, as quoted by the website:

Major Depressive state

Persistent sad, anxious, or empty mood
Feelings of hopelessness or pessimism
Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness
Loss of interest or pleasure in ordinary activities, including sex
Decreased energy, a feeling of fatigue or being "slowed down"
Restlessness or irritability
Sleep disturbances
Loss of appetite and weight, or weight gain
Thoughts of death or suicide; suicide attempt

N.B the last one, about suicide isnt very often. and suicide has only been attempted once.

i do get those feelings sometimes, and i do get some of the mania symptoms too, but i wouldnt say i ever feel euphoric, i feel really happy and axcited, sure. is there a difference? the symptoms are all listed on that link i gave you, and of the symptons of mania, these are the ones i do get:

Increased energy, activity, restlessness, racing thoughts, and rapid talking
Extreme irritability and distractibility (although not necessarily "extreme")
Decreased need for sleep

those are the main ones, it says about drugs etc, and aggresive behaviour, all of which i dont get, or use.

by looking at this website, and using it as the source (as opposed tot he others) it is clear that i have symptoms of the depressive stage and not so many of the mania stage. although i am quite happy these days, and i seem to be getting happier, i do get bad days, like i have done recently. i lose all sight of hope and sometimes i border on having a panic attack, where i become panicky and i get worried about absolutely everything!! these days are few and far between, but are severe when they happen. and when im not depressed, im not euphoric, im just happy and optimistic.

i will still speak to my doctor and therapist, my therapist mainly will help, as like i said, i have been going there for nearly 5 years, so she knows me very well. i have my next session 1 week today, so i will see her first, then speak with my doctor.

Like i said, thank you for your continual support. im hoping nothing comes of this, by researching it more like you suggested, i am beginning to think i dont have it, but i do possess many of the symptoms. i still am unsure, so i will look into it more.

simon