Dragonfly, I didn’t mean that I feel like I have multiple personalities per se. I’m always myself, but I feel like I loose control of optimal me a lot of the time. I struggle with a lot of black and white thinking, but everyone agrees that I am a rational person.

I have no doubt in my mind that I have Borderline tendencies. My friends with Borderline Personality disorder always say that they could see “a little borderline in me”. Honestly, I think I would have been diagnosed with BPD (I’m using it correctly this time) two years ago. I’ve had two Ts say things that hinted towards BPD or BPD tendencies such as “that would be more of a personality thing” and “you have the history set up for BPD, but you’ve done really well with yourself”. I asked both if they thought I had it and they said they suspected a mood disorder. I also brought the issue up with my P and she diagnosed me with Cyclothymia with OCD and Agoraphobic tendencies.

It’s good to hear that you all can relate to me. I’m always confused when people describe mania or hypomania as happy. I am happy when I am sometimes, but I’m also terrified because I feel myself doing risky things and honestly have an incredibly hard time reeling myself back in. It sucks to feel like you’re not going to be well a lot of the time and have no control, you know?