Its all understandable, for you to be reacting the way you are to your past. abuse is so painful, especially when we begin dealing with it at such a hard time in our life. our teenage years arent easy to begin with, what with all the different emotions and hormones running riot. then for us to deal with issues such as abuse, and in my situation death too, it knocks us down, and it seems almost impossible to stand back up. your body is trying to process all that has happened to you, and it is alot to deal with when you are trying to live an ordinary life at the same time. give yourself space, and time to deal with it at your own pace. many friends will not understand what you are going thorugh, not unless they have been there themselves. they are good to have, for sure. but stick at using PC, we ALL understand what you are going through, and not one of us is a stranger to depression. you can ramble as much as you like to us, we dont mind. we will only help.

things will get better, i promise. in the mean time, try to avoid your mum, only attempt to see her when you know you are strong enough, it will only make you weaker if you continue the way you are. when, and only WHEN, you are strong enough will you be able to face her with courage and you will go on to defeat many demons you possess.

i wish you all the best with things, and i am here if you need me ok. i wont mind if you get scared and lash out at me, i can take it. i know that feeling all too well, so just act as you feel, not what you htink you should feel ok. PC isnt about acts, its about REAL people and REAL emotions.

simon