I second gayleggg's suggestion to keep coming here, and to let out your feelings. Keeping a diary, has helped me for many years. There were many times, when I used to SH through anger, and sometimes, I think that's what it took to push me to do it, but there's a better way, ... calm yourself down so that you can see things more rationally. Workout, scream into a pillow, hit a pillow, deep breaths, light scented candles, listen to music, whatever it is that gets you centered. You'll just feel like crap, if you SH, and then you'll have something else on your plate, with which to deal.