Hi there. I've been depressed for about 4 years. This school year, I decided to try and make some friends. But it's just not going too well. I met this one guy, and we hit it off really well. But he's a super outgoing guy, and I have social anxiety. So I feel really self conscious when I'm around him, even threatened. I don't mean to feel this way but it's how I feel.
I tried to make friends with some people who I thought I might relate with, some quieter people. But as it turns out, making friends with quiet people isn't exactly easy or quick. So I don't even know what I'm left with here. I started off this year good, but now I feel like I'm back at square one.
I went on a date with this girl, and it went really bad. I tried to say hi to her since, but she ignored me. And that just made me feel like a total idiot. I don't even know what to do with my life. Sometimes I just think about ending it.
I used to have brief reactive psychosis (maybe I still do), which means I had psychotic hallucinations due to stress. That's sort of when I lost my gf and best friend. I mean before that, I was always shy, but I had a lot of friends back then. But after that, I was really scared of people. Now I'm trying just to pick myself back up after all these years, and somedays, I feel like just giving up. I don't really have anybody to talk to who would understand me.