The last 7 years of my life have been strange. I have very bad credit after having very good credit at a young age. My credit card limit was 5500 at 19. I became very ill with anxiety and delusions, maxed out my main credit cards and others, fell into medical debt. I've been working so hard to get out of debt one payment at a time, and I am nearly out. I tried so hard to get my own apartment and can't get approved. Even with a cosigner.

I wouldn't say I'm better or healed, but I try relentlessly to improve. I am a full time employee and full time student, proud of these and do fairly well.

However, as I begin to get out of debt, I feel more depressed about money. I am essentially homeless, though I could move back in with my parents but that would leave me jobless.

My more than wonderful girlfriend has been letting me stay with her, and I'm eternally grateful. But here comes the depressed part.

She has no plans of moving with me. Period. Ever. I moved out of my last shared apartment almost solely bc she disliked the environment. Now I am dependent on her for everything. I use her shampoo, her computer. She is better off than me financially bc she has more help but I make more money. Even before I moved in, we spent every night together at my place or sometimes hers. Then something changed and she wouldn't come over anymore. My bed wasn't big enough, things like that. So I stayed with her. She then planned on moving in with her exboyfriend, who she says is Her best friend. I trust her, but I don't like him. He isn't very nice to me. I understand why, but still, I'm sensitive and I told her I can't be with her if she does that.

She said that it sucks that I would end it over that, but it didn't effect her decision.

She changed her mind though, after she couldn't for money reasons. It has been our biggest issue, her idea to move in with him.

Then things became more upsetting to me when she took a second job. She is barely ever home, and when she is, she's doing homework. She tells me she loves me constantly, but long gone are the days when we spent actual time together. She expects me to do things for her that sort of hurt my feelings. Like she has asked me to do her homework, laundry, things of that nature. When I felt like we were a team, I loved doing these things for her. Now it just feels one sided. I am busy too. But it comes second to her. I miss her so badly. The other day I was crying because I miss her, and so she came home to see me for 20 minutes between her schedule and almost immediately yelled at me. Then she asked me to take her to work. It was awkward. I get really upset when she yells at me.

Our other issue is that she talks nonstop about one of our mutual friends. She is very interested in the friend and all the drama in the friend's life. She talks about the friend so much that I have become reasonably annoyed. She use to have a crush on the friend before she met me, but claims to be over it. So I accidentally said part of a secret about the friend, and wouldn't disclose the rest. My girlfriend yelled at me for dangling information in front of her and retracting. I feel like she really isn't over it.

Also I don't understand why my girlfriend needs two jobs. But that's none of my business. It is my business however, that I no longer feel special to her. When she does have free time, she tries to make plans with friends. She never thinks about having an us day unless it's the only option. She insists that she loves me and she's just never gonna be emotional like me, and I need to trust her that she loves me and accept her the way she is.

I guess my sadness comes from the fact that I have now shaped myself entirely around her, her plans, her day, what does she want to do, when is she getting home, etc, and I don't feel at all reciprocated. Yet, I live with her, she allows me to do so and provides that opportunity. So I feel uncomfortable even trying to bring up my current unhappiness since at the end of the day, I'm still in her house. I left once and she said "are you kidding me?" She is wonderful about anything I'm upset about unless it has to do with her, then she deflects it or tells me she can't change.

I'm really torn. Is there hope? I love her so much and want it to work, but at the same time I find myself wishing for more. I don't want more from anyone else, just her. Or am I being as stupid as I feel?