Hi,

I have been with my husband for 14 years (since I was 18) and I am very close to him....most of the time. You see, I love him with my everything....I couldn't imagine my life without him. People say that but I literally mean I couldn't imagine my life without him to the point where I plan to kill myself if he dies before me. I am dependent on him for EVERYTHING. He keeps me straight and is my voice of reason. He arranges our social life and if it wasn't for me making friends with his friends SO's I would be without friends. He gets me out of the house, he takes me shopping, he cooks our meals, I mean he does everything. I am the one that works for our living but in every other aspect he takes care of me. Without him I am NOTHING. I have nothing without him. He is my best friend, my lover, my all. But you see I have this pattern....when I realise I have become too attached I back off and push him away a bit. I then get sad and angry at him and push him away even further trying to be more independent. But it never works and I fall in love with him all over again only to repeat my unhealthy pattern. I get scared at the level of dependence I have on him. But I don't know how to be independent. My moods a lot depend on how he is feeling too. I don't know how else to be, it's always been this way. I want to love him and want him but not need him. I see myself through his eyes, my moods are dependent on his being good too. I resent him for it sometimes and it's so wrong because it's not his fault.

I really am nothing without him and right now, I do plan to end my life if he dies before me. I am really nothing and worthless without him.

I want to change but I don't know how to