With a few exceptions, I could have written your post. My OCD has shifted to health concerns because I don't want to die. Like you, everyone around me is getting older (i'm 50) and passing on. I wake up in the morning and wonder why should I even get out of bed? There is no meaning to anything. When I die the world will continue just like any other day but it will be my turn in the box. I used to smoke so I'm always worried about lung and throat cancer. Like you, I flirted with a semi-serious suicide attempt. The irony is I couldn't take the mental agony anymore so I wanted to die - but the reason why I had the emotional agony is because I didn't want to die. Death scares me too. Where do we go? is there even a hereafter? are we harshly judged? I've been good but no saint. I just cant take that this is all there is and that it all adds up to a big nothing on the charts of life. My therapist tells me that our meaning in life is the relationships we have with the people around us - to love, to help, to comfort, to share in joy, sorrow, etc. I haven't even been that great with gathering friends along the way - I come from a big strong Irish family and we were always our own friends. Nobody would even be at my funeral. Oh well, I could go on and on and on but I won't because I don't want to depress you further. Just know there is a like minded soul out there struggling with the same thing, trying to find my way, trying to find meaning.

Starbright777