Quote:
Originally Posted by tinyrabbit
I think you need to sort out and differentiate between the following:
- what other people think of your husband
- what you think of your husband
- what you think of yourself
I found it really curious that, in your first post, you told us that everyone else loves him and there is nothing wrong with him. If I wrote about my husband I wouldn't bother telling you everyone else loves him because I love him and I'm the one married to him. I'm not criticising you. Rather, I'm wondering if you're trying to use everyone else's opinions to tell yourself how you should feel.
I have a few thoughts. Firstly, do you feel smothered? Your husband sounds lovely. But if he's that relentlessly lovely, it could get a bit exhausting. What was your childhood home like? Are you used to marriages having some drama and arguments in them? Does it feel wrong to you if everything is just calm? Just wondering. I'm not criticising your husband, I'm just wondering if you find his stability and reliability uncomfortable as I don't know what you're used to. Maybe you need to shake it up a bit. Go on some date nights with your husband, that kind of thing.
I don't understand why you are doing all the housework when you have a job as well. Forget how much money you make. You still go out to work and put in the time.
Regarding work, would you consider trying to start your own freelance business?
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I'm going to try to answer your questions:
- I don't really feel smothered. My husband works a lot (and travels for work frequently) so while he's quite lovely to me when he's around, he's also not around to smother me with his loveliness all the time.
- My childhood home was very normal. My parents are still together and didn't have much drama or fighting. They'd bicker about small stuff, like what color to paint the kitchen or whether or not to visit the in-laws, but no major blowouts . They never screamed at each other or anything like that. They still seem very happy together and have a good partnership.
- I think I'm used to a little more drama in my personal relationships. The boyfriend I had before I met my husband was a jerk, and we were always having some kind of drama. My husband was a breath of fresh air because he wasn't an ***.
- I'm doing most of the housework simply because I feel obligated to. I don't make a lot of money, I don't have to travel for my job, and I'm home at least an hour before my husband every evening. Might as well make myself useful, right? His job is very busy, mine usually isn't, and he shouldn't have to come home from a long day and then clean a toilet. My husband does take care of most of the yardwork and handles all of the vehicle maintenance, so it's not like he's sitting around on the couch while I do chores or anything like that. Usually when I'm cleaning or doing laundry, he's still at work.
- I have considered starting freelancing. I have an online portfolio and an account on a few freelancer websites, but most of the freelance websites seem kind of scammy. I'm always getting outbid for jobs by people who are willing to be paid a ridiculously low amount for work. One of my aunts is an incredibly successful marketing consultant but she didn't go out on her own until she had 25 years of experience in marketing. I'm not at that point yet in my career, so I think people are kind of hesitant to hire someone with limited experience.