When I first got dx'ed back in 2006, and especially with the worse in of symptoms back in January, I was constantly doubting the dx. I thought the same as you: nothing was really wrong with me, I just wanted attention, I was just lazy (especially when crushed by depression), I didn't have any disorder and just needed to try harder. What changed it for me was the severe manic/mixed episode I had in August, brought on my taking an antidepressant with no mood stabilizer or AP to keep me in check. I did this because I was so tired of being depressed and I figured I'll either go into hypomania or nothing will happen because I'm not really BP. I didn't even think mania was an option because it had only happened to me twice unmedicated. And I certainly didn't think psychosis would come and say hi. But I'm glad it did in a way because that was not something I wanted to experience and it scared the hell out of me. It was something I could be sure I didn't wan attention from and know that I wasn't just lazy or not trying hard enough. It also led me to the medication that is working really well for me.

I hope you have a moment of clarity some day so that you can stop blaming yourself for the dx. You are definitely not alone.