grump grump grump. don't mind me, i'm in a funny (strange) mood today. thanks for the responses pegasus (((((pegasus))))) i really appreciate them, thanks so much. maybe it is about trust taking time. i do take little risks and they seem to be paying off, so i guess that at some point... i will get to this. i've already told him more about some of the hard stuff than i've ever told anyone else. but i do think i need to be really careful and go really slow with some of it. with the vulnerable feelings in particular. because i think what happens... i've been thinking on it a lot... and i think what happens... is that when i disclose vulnerable feelings then i freak out and shove the person hard. i don't see it as happening like that. i see it as my disclosing vulnerable feelings and then them rejecting me or laughing at me or whatever... but i think what happens is that i'm feeling so scared and vulnerable that i imagine stuff... and then i shove hard. i mean really hard. irrevokably hard. that is a problem. so... gently does it.

i wish i wasn't such a %#@&#! up :-(