So far, today has been really difficult. And I don't think it's because it's the weekend, either. These feelings arrived yesterday, when I woke up and I just KNEW-it was going to be an AWFUL day. I woke up 7:30 in a headachy haze, and I was right from the start. I was out on a driving lesson in the morning, and narrowly avoided a head on collision on the way home. I slammed on the brakes just in time. I crawled into bed when I got home at one pm, then Saturday night came. I had my ******* obsessive, uncontrolable thoughts and fears, and felt like I was in the middle of full-blown anxiety attack. I over-reacted BECAUSE of these feelings, and now I can only pray on my own life that didn't screw up my ONLY chance at possible future happiness. I can't make it on my own anymore. I NEED this.
I didn't even plan on getting out of bed this morning. But I was feeling worse, and I just wanted to rip myself apart, I wanted to make myself hurt. I even thought I should have hit the gas instead of the brakes during my near accident, except aiming for something non-living of course, like a tree or a brick wall.
Just pray me for me. Pray that everything works out, and that I'll be okay. These sucidal feelings are beyond awful, and even last night I found myself thinking that I should have just said forget this, and just ended it all on May 13, when I lost my job.
I need strength right now, strength, support and a second chance. I'm praying so hard right now, and I hope someone up there is finally listening.

Thanks for taking time to read this, and I apologize for my horrible mood. It's just one of those days, you know?