It means you have actually done something to yourself that would / could (or did) result in your actual demise.

The lucky ones (like me) are not successful which enables them to get the help they need until they are strong enough to realize that this isn't the only solution/option to coping with the overwhelming emotional pain that sends them there in the first place.

I hope you are not in this space! ... If you are, please reach out for all the support and help you need in order to help you get through it safely!