A couple days ago someone attempted at a poll on "how much house space". I don't think they got their point across and the poll didn't really get followed up on.

What I got from it, though, is how do you know if you are spending enough time together or how much time apart is too much? This is something that I think about often.

My husband and my situation is a little bit different so I will briefly explain. We're dealing with the aftermath of an affair (mine), he is a musician by night, and we are both fairly independent people (atleast I USED to be!), and we are 26 with no children.

I guess I just get confused sometimes because I've always considered myself to be independent and love my "alone time" and time with friends. Lately, with my anxiety and winter blues increased, I get really lonely when he's at practice (twice a week) or downstairs playing music. He is truly passionate about it and this is one of the reasons I love him so much and I do not want to take away something that makes him him. Also, I mostly do feel that we get in a lot of "date" time and time to take care of the house throughout the week or on weekends. I guess my point here is this: I don't like that I'm uncomfortable with being alone lately and I don't know if it is just because I am overly-anxious lately and jealous because he has his "thing" and I do not or if our time apart is actually unhealthy.

Suggestions I've gotten from friends and my therapist is that I should just use the oppportunities to focus on myself and find a hobby and to not try to so dependent on what he's doing but to work on myself. Otherwise, I fear that me saying to him "I'm lonely without you" "Please stay home", etc. is only going to push him further away.

Can anyone out there relate? Do you think it's "abnormal" (Whatever that may mean) to spend a couple nights independently. My parents relationship is looked at is ideal by many but I have to say they are each other's only friends. Neither ever went out without each other and they are always basically always together. If my husband and I spend a night apart with friends I feel judgement from my parents as though that is somehow unhealthy or "risky" or "immature" behavior. I have always felt good about our independence (or interdependence?) until recently when my anxiety has been heightened. This is a classic, what comes first, the chicken or the egg situation.

Just wanted to get a feel for other's perspectives and/or situations on this topic.

Thanks!