I don't know where else to put this if I can't talk about being suicidal. I'm not currently, so maybe they'll let me post this.

I don't consider myself a suicidal person. My opinion on suicide is that it's pointless. We're all going to be dead eventually anyway. Though sometimes I have a hard time convincing myself of that.

Last night though... I just wanted to be dead so bad. I even SI'd which I haven't done in a long while, unless you count getting drunk all the time. I tried to post something last night that was stopped. I'm not even really sure what I said, now.

I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm even bothering to post this. I'm scared though. I've never been this bad. It's been so long since it's been this bad..