I'm going to cut. Tonight. It makes sense why I'm so tense and feel so $#!% awful, and I know that will get rid of it so I can focus on my *@!$ essay.

I wish it didn't have to come to this, but since I already know I'm a bad coper with stuff and drink too much anyways, a little cut isn't going to do me any permanent harm. I hope. Just not allowed to do it again for a while at least.

Now I'm going to go get a drink and find something and just do it and get on with my life.

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Long story short, I'm not going to cut. (I wrote this about 2 hours ago)

But the thought that I was so close scares the crap out of me.That little nagging voice is getting louder and I don't know how much longer I can put up with it.

It just doesn't seem like it gets easier.

But I did change one thing. I'm quitting for MYSELF and not for anyone else. I don't want someone else to feel bad because I screw up, the only guilty person should be me. Period. I think anyways.