Freewill, I understand. It is not too late. I am often feeling fatally trapped by "E.D." Do you know (of course you do) how stinking disgusted I feel when it's at the worst levels? (You do of course.)

It feels like I'm trapped in a hellish body, and is excrusiating physically, and mentally. But (here's the ringer girlfriend!) NOT SPIRITUALLY!!!!!! After meditating (considerably and "EXTREMELY" (with emphisis) I have gotten myself out of the "FEELINGS LOOP WHILE RIGHT SMACK DAB IN THE CENTER OF THE WORST E.D. EPISODE"

I actually did something that actually totally began working BIG TIME anyway for me. May I share? I got a big fluffy teddy bear (not too big but big enough) and placed it between my solor-plexis and pelvis, (my digestive tract) and crushed down over top of it. I lay on it to decompress two things: 1) my jangled nerves and soul sickness 2) to take pain out of my gut, especially the uppermost area near my solorplexes. (That particular part, feeling meaty causes the MOST physical distress and triggers THE greatest mind torment EVER-Call it Hell and I am being nice. ) So anyway, laying on the pillow thing takes feeling out of that whole area. (It allows me to go on TOTAL vacation from E.D.)

Another thing, my stomach muscles are weak ones. (I have memories from very young years of this evidence) I have TONS AND TONS OF PAIN JUST FROM EATING ANY THING AT ALL (I think that the expanding of the tissue in my obdemin muscles is more painful than most.) Anyway I finally remembered it and went to a medical supply store and bought a stomach brace. I put it on ALOT-Just about every two days and all (an have to put it where I can find it when I feel better (not bloating and sore) so I can run for it the next time I am in a HUGE FIX BECAUSE OF THE MUSCLE PAIN IN MY STOMACH MUSCLES, which comes so much, I have been in Hell.

I am still billemic as ever but working and chipping away day by day and hearing from you and others on the E.D. board is great. I.M. me whenever.