You're not a %#@&#! up!

I can relate on a lot of this because I have that fear too, that my T will suddenly see enough where he can't stand to be in the room with me any more. And the strange part is there's nothing that I've done that is so terrible that it would make me push someone away, so I don't know why I fear that reaction in him.

But, when we've been hurt it's scary to be vulnerable.

I think you have it right. Take it slow. . .trust a little. . . . then trust just a little more. That's what I've done and I've made more progress in the past 4 months or so than years with other counselors. I'm not sure if it's just I'm ready, or he's just the right person to help me. Either way, it sounds like you're on the right track too.

I think missing him is an awesome sign, anyway. I told my counselor today I missed him when I didn't get to come, and it was really hard for me to admit that. I was afraid he would tell me that I was getting too attached and ask me to leave or something. . .isn't that odd? Like they've never heard someone say they missed them.

But it all worked out. Once I opened up I was very relieved. But I just have to be sure I don't go to fast. One week I was talking and things got reall weird and I felt like the room was floating up. It took me a few visits to dare to "go there" again but I'm getting there bit by bit.