Talk to his father and express your concerns calmly and logically. Don't lay all the blame on his father's S/O. The boy does need to learn to take responsibility for his actions as well as how to express his feelings verbally instead of acting out. I think you're right about his needing outside contact, friends, an adult confidante in a place like a youth group or something similar. It can't seem like a punishment or a babysitter, though, which will be difficult to get across to a 16-year-old kid. Best of luck, I'm sorry you have to go through all this anguish as well as being so far away from your son.