You know the days when you feel like you're on track, everyday I wish I could be that way again. I still feel other certain emotions, just not motivational... I can't find the words. I've got so much to do, I made a list, I don't do it, I read it, get anxiety, frustrated, or hopeless I can't do them. I can't get past the hours of research and 20 pages to fill out. (visit office, switch over documents to new state, get new driver's license, get transcripts etc.) I won't budge. We got a new place, hours away... far from family, the only ones I talked to now I got no one except my husband, but he doesn't talk to friends who deal with certain substances, since he quit, he doesn't socialize with them. We're both screwed; he doesn't work, I don't work. I'm pregnant.

We just got a puppy, he's supposed to stay inside due to round of immunity shots not done yet, a few more weeks til we can go out. He makes me happy, he gives me some purpose but doesn't completely fulfill me. Doesn't it mean I'll never be happy no matter how much I have? I 've heard that saying before. People keep saying be positive and "surround yourself with positive people" so I think, I should not talk because I have something negative to say. So my fate is that people would avoid me because I am depressed, and that makes me more depressed.

I always read what others say cannot help a depressed person. Yet here I am , begging for an answer. The thing is that I know what to do (I think), I know about therapists, I need a referral from OB, that I need to talk to my husband I do... but I won't budge. I've felt this way before but I got out of it, this time is longer, especially since I don't socialize. I am holding on and I think I can do it, it's just that.. I feel I'm on a freeze. I'll take anything any advice even if I said it, I don't mean to sound rude I just need to talk with people, maybe I am not thinking clearly?

Thank you for reading