Thank you everyone. it is nice to know i have people who care for me and accept me for being me.

this new year has got off to a bad start, im the first to admit it. emotionally ive been quite low, but today i feel better. i feel positive again. i am happy to be myself, and i am optimistic about the future. but sometimes i get so low, that i lose sight of that and i sink into some sort of pity mode where i cant find anything nice about myself. thats partly why im questioning this Bipolar thing. but i dont want to think about that right now.

Boopers, thank you for your kind words, it means alot to me it really does. i have no intentions of changing, not for anyone. SeptemberMorn was right, i am the one who has to go to sleep with myself every night, and i have to live with myself everyday, no one else.

Laverne, i think one day, when i am old enough i will leave this place, and i will become distant with my close family. i ahve an uncle and auntie who i appreciate being around, i dont see them very often, they were the ones that came on holiday over christmas, and often i wish i was their child, just because they seem more understanding and open-minded. but, we cant chose our family, i have this family and i cant change that, what i can change is the amount of time i spend with them and the damage they can cause. thank you for your kind words too Laverne.

i agree with you completely, Wants2Fly, people who drink alot drink to escape themselves. and they do do it with others who are the same just so they arent on their own, it makes them feel they are right for doing what they do.

SeptemberMorn, the "eagle" line has got me thinking, alot more than i expected actually. i like it. and its true too, thank you for that. i admire you too SM, you mean alot to me, so do many others here at PC.

Echoes, i wish we were neighbours too, i am sure we would get on...and you live in Florida, ive always wanted to go there hehe. but you are right, they do follow the leader, and i for one certainly dont want to live someone elses life, just because they tell me too. i think thats what they cant accept - all these people around me - they cant accept that i will do my own thing, whether they like it or not, maybe it frustrates them. who knows?

Sparkling....nice post, very interesting to read. its nice for me to know that there are people out there just like me, who can live a happy life. normally im very optimistic, and i usually look for the best in any given situation, and usually i look for the best in people. my dad always tells me "always look for the worst in people, that way you cant get hurt" but to be honest, i hate that idea of life - look for the worst and be smug when it happens!! - not for me at all. when he says that to me i reply "look for the best, and expect to find it" they all live such unhappy lives, god only knows how i managed to grow up being myself, it astounds me sometimes, it really does!!

and pat, or fayerody hehe (was only recently i found out what your name meant lol, after how long of knowing you!!) FaithIsAlive has already adopted me as her new son hehe, and Biplol is my new big sis, i have started to extend my family hehe, and anyone who wants to join is more than welcome, especially you pat.

sorry for the long post, i always feel i have to acknowlegde the help people offer, and be grateful for it. which i am, i am so grateful that you all took the time to help me. i fele very reassured of myself and happy to be an individual, unique. so for that, thank you.

love you all!

simon