Chris, LovesEcho -- I'm really sorry that both of you are dealing with this. It's not easy, but it really says admirable things about you both that you're willing to stick through it. Even though they aren't showing it at the moment, I'm sure that both of them appreciate the fact that you haven't abandoned and rejected them for a condition that feels out of their control (even if we don't see it that way).

I'm sure you've thought about what depression must be like for the person living it. I'm sure there are times when we've had a hard time shaking the blues -- and how do we feel during those times? Like poo, generally, and when you don't feel good about yourself, everything around you tends to be irritating and darn if you can find just one person who really UNDERSTANDS how you feel.

Think about that feeling magnified by 100,000x. How can they NOT be self-absorbed? Imagine being stuck in your own head day after day week after week? It must be absolutely awful. Heartbreaking.

I'm not excusing the effect of their behavior on us, but I try to keep in mind that no matter how miserable and lonely I might feel in my relationship with my husband when he's depressed, it's got to feel a bazillion times worse for him.

Of course, it's REALLY easy for me to say all this right now, because my husband's depression is kind of under control (emphasize 'kind of', because of course that could change any minute). When I first found PsychCentral, I'd probably slap someone upside their head if they sounded all perky and compassionate while I was frustrated, resentful and neglected. But one of the things that kept me grounded and commited during his worst episodes is my resolve to remain compassionate toward him. That and a lotta therapy and some anti-anxiety meds for myself

Hang in there