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I have grandchildren and currently my daughter is not communicating with me at all. Before that happened, I was seriously depressed and anxious and had other problems which I was trying to get help for but not succeeding very well. I tried to be a “good mother” and “good grandmother” by following ideas I had about what I should do, knowing that some spontaneity and being real would be important for me to have a real relationship with the grandchildren, but all I had that was “real” was negativity, so that wouldn’t have worked well either.
I’m better now but not ready to try to contact my daughter about that. I’m not strong enough right now to tolerate more rejection, but I do expect to gain that with a little more time. If/when I feel that I can tolerate rejection, if it comes, then I think I can be a real person again with my daughter and, for the first time, with my grandchildren. If they gravitate toward the other grandparents then, oh well. I’m the only maternal grandmother that they have, so I’ll try to be available if they want me in their lives. Actually, I had been trying to do that already, but with the negativity and mental illness, there wasn’t much positive there for them.
And with the current “fad” of cutting negative people out of your life, even if they are your parents. . . Well, my daughter has the right, based on the best she knows how to do, to be “wrong”, too.
How is your relationship with your children? Have your difficulties strained your relationships with them? The grandchildren could be picking up on their parents’ attitudes, even if they don’t talk about it. Also, it doesn’t sound to me like your therapist is helping you much in dealing with the current feelings of being rejected by your grandchildren, even if that is rooted in your own childhood. You’re having those feelings here and now, and, based on my experience, when I was feeling anxious about being rejected, my anxiety made me less of a person for others to enjoy being around, and hence increased the likelihood of being rejected.
Last edited by here today; Oct 07, 2013 at 09:43 AM.
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