Hang in there bud. I've made terrible decisions myself when I was in my manic states. Really bad decisions that I would never do normally before the bipolar manifested. I used to speak in riddles as well when I was in an episode. Everything I wrote was difficult to decipher and when I looked back on it once I was stable all I could tell is that I was hurting. I also tried to run and hide moving across the U.S like a gypsy trying to outrun my problems. It took me a long time to confront it and realized there is no running. Hope you get through what your going through, I know how hard it is.