Please keep fighting, keep telling that voice to shut up, to leave you alone, that you CAN and WILL eat healthy, whatever you can to let it know that YOU are in charge. I know this is hard, but as HealingTimes said, life with an ED is not at all going to get you to the life you are saying you want. Being healthy, being able to enjoy food, being able to be okay with you and your body, those are the things to strive for. Those are the things that will help you to have a better life. I know you said the voice is not quite so strong right now, which is good, but if you listen to the voice, and do what it says, it's only going to get louder. Now is the time to fight! You CAN do this. Stay strong and remember you ARE worth it.