So I said I would come back and talk about how my meeting went. It was ok I guess. It was really hard for me. Sitting in the waiting room I almost got up and left a few times. Even though I know it's wrong it felt like once I said it out loud there was no turning back and I've lost for lack of a better term. That's how it felt at first. Like if I went in to the meeting that means I lost. I know that is not true but it was hard taking that step.

Once inside it was a little better. I'm not a crier in general but I came very close a couple times. When she asked if I was suicidal I almost broke down. I'm not but just the fact I was in the situation where it was an appropriate question really rattled me.

In the end she recommended a few options for me. Unfortunately the university health centre is booked pretty solid. I need to go over the options she gave me and take a look at the coping strategies as well. All in all I am glad I went. Only the first step but a step in the right direction. I need to take the next step quickly before I can talk myself out of it. Hoping I have bottomed out and nowhere to go but up. Thanks for listening.