Quote:
Originally Posted by selenite
Hi all. For now, I'll introduce myself only as my screen name, Selenite. In time, maybe I'll take it a step further. I'm poking my head into this forum because I think I could have bipolar. I've never been formally diagnosed with anything - not even severe depression - because I've never sought help. I've always been strong and determined. I've always battled everything on my own and never needed help from anyone or anything. But now I'm exhausted. This is a battle I've been facing for a very long time. If I look back over my life, I recognize a lot of cycles of depression and what I can only assume is mania. If it's not mania then I don't know what it is.
I know that I need to see a doctor but I'm afraid. I'm equally afraid that he'll confirm and deny my suspicions. But I also can't see a doctor because I have no insurance and I have no money. I left my last job (in another country) because I was in such a deeply depressive state that every minute I was not working, I spent in my bedroom, unable to face other people - aside from a few manic days when I went on a major shopping spree. So I'm also not working and not working means that I don't have money.
I've tried to contact a couple of hotlines (one chat, one phone) but they didn't work very well. The chat guy made me feel worse. The phone guy made me feel like I was at the McDonald's drive-thru window.
What this really boils down to is: I need help and I have no idea how to ask for what I need when I know I can't pay for anything, and I have no way of getting there because I can't ask real-life friends for this kind of help.
Suggestions?
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I am in the same boat in terms of not knowing for sure that I have this, but feeling rather certain that I have some derivation of bp. I share your fear that it will be confirmed, and equally that it will be denied. If it is confirmed, then perhaps there is something to do, at least there is a community of support and a body of wisdom on the matter, which is more than I currently have. I am fortunate to have health insurance, so I do not share that aspect of your problem.
That said, I am relatively certain that there is free or sliding scale therapy available through Community Based Organizations like the Y, of all places, in most towns in the US. Are you in the US? Where are you?
I will be seeing therapists over the next few weeks to get a diagnosis. I'll let you know what happens. It would be interesting to be on this journey with someone else.
Last night I was in one of the deepest most painful depressions I have ever been in, I could only lay there in fear. I tried snapping out of it but it was no use, I had to just wait it out. This morning I was shaken up but better. I spent the morning researching bipolar, and reading these accounts at a coffee shop, alternating quickly between laughing and crying, feeling weak and shakey. Suddenly I am feeling terrific. I cleaned up the whole house, got everything set out and ready to go for tomorrow, and I'm up delving into this site which means I won't sleep much, etc...
WTF?!
Anyhow, it's good to hear your words and I wish you the best of luck.
MT