It sounds like you were mistreated by adults and children alike. If this is so, then I don't blame for having so much pain. I would suggest a counselor to help you come to terms with all this bottled up pain and help you find the way to a better life without so much pain.

Also, I agree, manwithnofriends, post on here more to get the pain out and get support here. It is a very caring site. May you find peace soon. Let me know if I can help, just PM me.