You need to find a therapist. You need to get help. Taking someone else's medication is dangerous. You say you take, you don't say if it is with his permission. If it is without his permission then you are stealing from him. I take offense at someone stealing another's meds as my husband stole some of my pain medication and made me run out early. It is terrible knowing I can't trust him and have to hide all my medications. I resent it big time. I hope this is not the case and he is willingly giving the to you, however, is still dangerous.

I'm glad you have someone to help you stay sober and stand by you. But I do still believe you need a therapist that is trained to help you.

I can understand that with having a lot of problems with your bf can be triggering. And you do need to leave if it is triggering suicidal thoughts, even if you have to go to the shelter.

I hope you find the help you need.