I smile a lot when I should be sad... hiding my true sadness to the point I am happy that I am sad because its the only time I see myself actually smiling... sometimes I am so sad to the point I laugh seeing myself in tears...I just look into the mirror and see my sad pathetic self and instantly want to carve a never ending grin on my face...one day I will...most days I am just so easily irritated the smallest thing can set me off like a big explosion...from a fly on my face to just seeing two people holding hands at a park...I have days were my self hatred puts me down and theres other days I point out that hate outward... at times I am torn between suicide homicide or just running away. My sad side thinks itll all be better when im gone for good, my angry side says continuous murder/homicide will relieve all of the stress I have and my happy side thinks I will be extremely happy if I was just alone...so am I bi polar or am I just depressed??? I don't know that's why I am asking.