After a year and a half of working at it, I think I've achieved relative normality while still retaining my creativity and ability to have emotions. On my current medications, I simply have the average ups and downs now that everybody does.....a bad day doesn't always signal the beginning of a mood episode.

I no longer even have to do a mood "gut-check" when I wake up in the morning ("am I going to be OK today?") Believe me when I say that it's worth it to experiment until you find your perfect medication "cocktail"---I am alive and reasonably well today only because my pdoc is conservative but persistent in trying different things (which includes highly individualized therapy and treatments tailored to what is most meaningful to the patient's life).

Wishing you the best of luck, OP.