Thank you, dexter.

The information you provided was very helpful and informative, and I greatly appreciate it. I think I probably DO need a hospital stay, but I can't without insurance, that's why I was asking about the hotlines. You see, my family is going away for the fourth of July weekend, and I really don't feel up to going with them. That's what scares me. I'll be COMPLETELY alone in my house for six days, and I'm feeling so awful I'm worried about what I might try to do.

Truth be told, there's a part of me that doesn't even want the help. I don't know if I'll feel better by Friday, that depends on how early this week turns out. Death actually sounds like a release, you're finally free of these horrible feelings and self-doubt, and hopefully move onto a "better place." This probably sounds selfish and kind of childish, but everyone who's burned and abandoned you will see your abituary, then realize it's too late, you're gone and there's nothing they can say to you. I'm sorry, but that's just how I feel.

I desperately wish I could see the future right now. Then I'd know, and I wouldn't have to constantly second guess myself and obsess about what MIGHT happen, or the POSSIBLE outcome of any situation.

Well, thanks again, I'll definitely consider everything you told me. I have a feeling I'm going to need to keep those numbers handy.

I'll keep you posted, I'm usually pretty good at discussing my problems over the phone. (or online) It's face to face that jams me up.