hi lala,

big deja vu reading your original post! maybe I've been there before??
I think you sound hypomanic, I crave alcohol and anything when hypo.. not usually until after work. Looks like you're self medicating to take the edge off. I can get really irritable when hypo. But when depressed like now, zero desire for alcohol. I even quit smoking. I feel like hypo might be coming back on after 2 nights no sleep. If so, I'm going to try to make better use of it this time, like clean my house, get my work done...

Then again there's the lack of focus problem I get with hypo. Well I have trouble focusing often & have add dx.

So you want the correct dx ... i'm wondering why, just curious, maybe cuz I don't want my dx. I liked when I was "allowed" to take adhd & depression meds... Now she says I have to take the mood stabilizer with them. The bp meds didn't help me be productive. Now that I've got this dx, there are all these rules and pdoc seems at the ready to report me for road rage or suicidal or something... Now I don't want her meds at all. i'm only still taking the klonopin cuz I'm physically addicted after taking it for 5 years. I've actually officially run out of them today, ****, will have to get more & try to taper down again. it's a really dangerous one to quit cold turkey - like alcohol - could have seizures.

Are you hoping to find meds that will help? Seems like most bp folks swear by the meds, so they must help most people. Have you always had the bp symptoms or just after the anti-depressants?

I worry about you telling doc about the drinking and they could just assume you're an addict, not address the originating reason of mood disorder. How you treat, deal with your bp should be up to you - but it's sad to see bp people labeled as addicts. Watching an addict be an addict is sad too.

Ok, I'm all weird and talky today, stopping now!