Hi Monalisasmile,

I'm a bit confused, does your friend have the same T as you? Is the T the same person as the teacher?

I'm sorry you feel hurt, of course it hurts when we desperately want our needs to be met, and it's so painful when we can see someone else getting what we need, but we don't know how to get it for ourselves. Maybe even feel like we don't deserve to get it too. You deserve to be cared about and understood and held.


It's okay to be jealous, her needing it right now doesn't mean your reaction isn't okay. It's always okay to feel anything. It's natural to feel jealousy sometimes, but if you have an internal belief that jealousy is unacceptable the jealousy can't come, be experienced, and then move on - you get all tangled up in self-reproach and shame and self-hatred.

Allow yourself to feel the jealousy, cry if you need, write about it or make art about it. The jealousy is sending you important messages about your needs and your unconcious beliefs, and it doesn't make you a bad person.

Ouch, i can see why that experience your friend had with the teacher would induce those strong feelings. It's obvious you don't grudge your friend that comfort so the jealousy is more about an unmet need in you. Can you see those feeling you're having as information? That's all, it's just data that is telling you that you have a gap in your life, that you are needing emotional and physical intimacy. Perhaps you're grieving for what you've missed out on growing up.

Also your friend was in need of that experience and your teacher recognised that and met her need. That's a good sign because now you know she is open to meeting others needs where appropriate. And maybe some day she'll meet that need for you.

Everybody gets jealous now and then. It doesn't mean you can't still be there for her.

I just wonder though what kind of therapy is it- being held for 30 min. I mean, I can get this from a friend (if I felt like it- still that long a hug would just feel weird to me) don't need a T to do that for me.